I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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