So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
