Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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