She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
