The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
