We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
