Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
