it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
