Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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