i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
