Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
