I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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