I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
