It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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