You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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