he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
