That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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