Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
