oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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