I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
