Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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