if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
