I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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