Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
