wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
