so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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