i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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