is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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