textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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