the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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