Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I did not marry a roomba.
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