i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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