Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
