am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
