He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
