Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
