at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
