I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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