i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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