I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dick very happy bro
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
