Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
