I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
