is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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