do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
try to milk me bitch
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
