I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
