Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
be right there i have to get my cape
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
