I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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