Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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