Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
