Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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