I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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