Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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