Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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