What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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