you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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