my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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