all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
