I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
