i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
