sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
