apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
